Nothing to Forgive
by serendipity-smiles
Summary: How did they get to this? Everything they had fought for was falling apart. Michael was in jail and they couldn't help him. Seperately they would break, but together they became whole. Bad Summary... sorry.
1. Chapter 1

** I don't own the characters, but I'd love to have Steve Burton under a "personal" contract… just sayin'.

Chapter 1

Glancing back toward the bed, Jason watched Sam sleeping peacefully. She has tried to comfort him and raise his spirits, but nothing seemed to get through to the heaviness weighing on his heart.

Everything was crashing down on him… he had failed Michael in the worst way and now the boy was going to pay for it the rest of his life. How could he accept that?

Taking a deep breath he headed down stairs to try and rid himself of the restless feeling that was overwhelming him. He needed to do something… anything- he wanted to kill Dante… save Michael and the shitty part was that he couldn't do anything.

Glancing at this cell phone he realized part of what had been bothering him all night was that Carly had never called him. Faced with something so emotional and devastating it was totally incomprehensible that she hadn't called him a million times by now.

Did she blame him? Did she feel like he did and blame him for letting their boy down? Did she hate him for not keeping Michael safe?

Grabbing his keys he headed for the door. He had to know if she could ever forgive him.

Carly sat rocking on the back porch listening to the sounds of the night and glancing periodically toward the baby monitor in her lap. She had been out here for hours just trying to breathe and keep her head together.

Normally the job of keeping her calm would fall to Jason, but having seen the devastation in his eyes she didn't want to make his life any harder than it was at the moment. He needed to be comforted and not dragged down into her ocean of guilt and terror.

How had it come to this? They had all made mistakes. Trusting when they shouldn't trust, lying when they shouldn't lie, keeping silent when they should have spoken… the list could go on.

But the fact of the matter was that everything that had happened to Michael and everything that he would go through came back to her. It was all on her. She was his mother- she should have kept him safe and protected him better. Would things have been different if she had just left him with Jason and never returned?

Hearing someone walking up the sidewalk Carly froze for just a second… it only took that second to know who was coming to see her. Only Jason would walk around her backyard at 3 o'clock in the morning. Anyone else wouldn't have made it past the guards.

As Jason stepped into view he choked on the words that he had come to say. Carly knew that no words could make things right, so she did the one thing she could. Opening her arms silently she offered him whatever she had left to give.

Silently he moved into her arms and feeling them close around him, he let himself give into the tears that he had been fighting since leaving the courtroom.

As the first signs of the new day began to appear, two frightened souls clung together trying to find the strength they would need to help their boy.


	2. Chapter 2

** Don't own the characters… only own the story in my head : )

Nothing to Forgive

Chapter 2

Carly stood in shock as she watched her oldest son being led away in handcuffs.

5 years… Her baby was going to prison for 5 years and it was all her fault.

Looking around she caught the pitying glances of Robin and Patrick, the pleading look on Lulu's face, and finally the totally devastation on Jason's. Sam had wrapped her arms around him and was trying to comfort him without much success. He wouldn't even look at her and she could only imagine what was going through his head.

"Liar!"

The yell and movement out of the corner of her eye penetrated her state of disbelief. She found herself staring at Morgan as he threw himself at Dante, fists flying.

As Dante held Morgan away he tried to get through to his little brother but nothing seemed to stop the hostility he was up against.

Carly quietly walked over to Morgan and called his name and Morgan jerked himself out of Dante's grasp with a sob of defeat.

"You promised me that everything would be ok. You stood there and told me to trust you. Everyone warned me not to, but I did anyway. You are not my brother… I only have one brother and you just got him sent to prison… You are nothing to me… nothing… Someday I am going to get justice for Michael and you are going to be sorry." Morgan ended his emotional tirade by throwing himself into his mother's arms and letting her lead him away.

Sonny looked at his oldest son and shook his head, "I hope that you're sense of fairness and righteousness keep you up at night when you finally realize just what they cost you."

Dante stood staring after his father and felt his chest tighten as he remembered the look of hate and betrayal on Morgan's face. He was right wasn't he… the judge had been too harsh on Michael, but Dante had been right to try and help his brother hadn't he?

Carly peeked into Morgan's room for the millionth trying to forget the hurt sobs of frustration that had lasted for an hour. She hated feeling helpless and not being able to fix Morgan's heartache.

In her head she kept hearing his vow of vengeance over and over. This is what her children had learned from the life she had given them. Vengeance. Violence. Betrayal.

She had done this to them. Everyone had been right about her for so long- she was poison. She destroyed everything she came in contact with. She could put the blame on Sonny, but Sonny was just a choice… one of many choices she had made in her life that her children would pay for… it had to stop.

Plans began to form in her head as she went over and over every option, thinking and re-thinking about what she had to do. Jason would try and stop her, she knew that- hell, her mom, Jax and Sonny would try and stop her, but she had no choice. She wouldn't destroy Morgan and Josselyn the way she had nearly destroyed Michael. She wouldn't let Jason shut her out again. She had to make things right for everyone.

Jason stood on the dock, listening to the horns of barges blowing in the distance. He had left the penthouse an hour after Sam had fallen asleep, once again unable to rid himself of the guilt he felt for his part in Michael's fate.

He had thought about going to see Carly, but he couldn't face her, not right now.

Memories of the night they had shared after Michael's arrest filtered through his head. They had been so wrapped up in the hurt and fear that they hadn't even realized that everything they had been feeling for so long has finally exploded into an inferno of need.

Who kissed who, he didn't know, but neither of them had stopped. So after years of holding back, neither of them had fought the need to give the other the comfort and oblivion that they had craved.

There on her back porch, they had made love to each other as if the world was going to end any second.

Sometime right before the sun rose he had gently carried her sleeping body up to her bedroom and then did the one thing that he regretted most…

He didn't wake her, he didn't leave a note. He just left as silently as he had arrived.

Jason knew that he should have faced the night they had shared head on instead of acting like it had been a mistake.

The truth was that he Jason "Stone Cold" Morgan, mob enforcer and killer, was scared shitless. What if he had screwed up the most important relationship in his life?


	3. Chapter 3

** Don't own the characters… only own the story in my head : )

Nothing to Forgive

Chapter 3

** NOTE= Carly doesn't have ZBT and Alexis had her license revoked, has hours of community service and had to pay a fine for plowing down Kiefer. She was also put in mandatory counseling… yadah yadah…

Jason rang the doorbell and waited for Carly to open it. He had gone over and over the conversation that needed to take place. First, and foremost he wanted to assure her that he had arranged for Michael to have "protection" inside. He only hoped he wouldn't have to tell her that he was depending on Anthony Zaccahara to provide it.

Unsure of his own feelings about relying on that lunatic, he was busily trying to come up with a contingency plan.

"I see you have heard from Carly…"

Jason turned with a frown, "No. But I need to. Is she here? I haven't been able to get her on her cell or at the hotel."

Jax gave a weary sigh and stepped aside to let him in, "You won't be able to reach her on her cell, nor at the hotel. She left."

"Left? What in the hell do you mean left?" Jason clenched his fists and tried to take a deep breath.

"I received a letter from her by messenger about two hours ago. I just assumed that she either talked to you or sent you a letter." Jax sat down on the couch and rested his elbows on his knees.

"No. She hasn't contacted me in any way… Can I read the letter?" Jason tried to stop the whirlwind of thoughts circling in his head. What was going on? Why did Carly leave? Where did she go? Had she walked away without even telling him good-bye?

The Aussie took a moment to consider the request and then with a nodded pointed to the envelope on the table. "I am going up to check on Josselyn."

Jason barely acknowledged the other man as he pulled a sheet of paper from the envelope.

~Jax's letter~

Jax,

I meant what I said outside the courthouse the other day. I am grateful that Morgan has you in his life and I hope that you will continue to be present in his life after you read this. First of all, reading this you are probably wondering what is going on; it is really very simple- I am leaving Port Charles. In fact, I have already left. Sometime yesterday I realized that my urge to runaway had less to do with the blame and guilt I was feeling over Michael and more to do with the fact that I can't even look at myself in the mirror anymore. For the sake of my children and the people I love, I need to get my head together and learn to live with myself.

This brings me to the main point- I trust you with our daughter and know with every part of me that you will take care of her and will love her without reservation. Please move into our home so that she can stay where she is happiest and where Morgan will feel safe to visit. Yes I said visit. It is the second part of this that is hardest to put in words. I know without a doubt that Jason would take Morgan in a heartbeat, but I know he has his hands full in working to help Michael and with work. Sonny will want him to live with him, but it is my hope that between you, Jason and Alexis, you can talk him into accepting my wishes.

Yes, I did say Alexis… She will be receiving a letter today asking her to assume guardianship of Morgan while I am gone. I did not make this decision lightly, as you know Alexis and I haven't always been the best of friends. Trust me when I say that Alexis will understand.

As for our marriage, I want you to file for divorce. I know that I should want part of our assets, but at this time I only ask that you put my half of everything and shares of the hotel in trust for Josselyn. Morgan will be taken care of in a similar fashion, as will Michael.

I wish that I could be the wife that you deserve and love you as you deserve, but I can't… please forgive me. I will be in contact.

Carly

Jason lifted his head and pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers. He didn't know what was going on in Carly's head right now, but one thing was certain. She needed him and he needed to bring her home.


	4. Chapter 4

** Don't own the characters… only own the story in my head : )

Nothing to Forgive

Chapter 4

Alexis stared down at the papers in her hands. What in the world had Carly been thinking? Considering the content of the letter she had just read she could only assume that Carly had lost her mind again.

Of course, as a mother she could understand Carly's decision. Morgan would need his sisters- Carly had included Molly as a sister since she and Morgan thought of each other has siblings- while she was gone and Carly stated that she knew that she could trust Alexis to take care of him as if he were her own.

She had asked that Jax be given plenty of visitation rights and that Jason be allowed to see Morgan whenever he wished, but she was leaving his contact with Sonny up to Alexis and Morgan's own desire to see his father.

Alexis wished that she could be angry at Carly for her presumption. She wished that she could belittle her for the act of running out on her marriage and her children, but for some reason she just couldn't. Something about Carly's letter had gotten to her.

Picking up her cell phone, she called Jax and made arrangements to pick up Morgan later that evening. He had been over at Bobbie's and Carly had apparently told him that he would be staying with Alexis and the girls while Carly went away to take care of some business.

After hanging up she found herself wishing Carly luck at whatever it was she was doing and hoping that she wouldn't regret opening her home to Carly's child.

Jason walked into Sonny's office on a mission. Surely Carly had given Sonny some hint about what was going on in her head.

Sonny looked up at his best friend with a distracted air, "We've got a problem, Jason."

"Besides Michael being in prison and Carly running off, there can't be anything else as serious." Jason ran a weary hand through his hair as he took a seat.

"So you know she ran off already? Who'd you talk to? Jax?" Sonny leaned back in his chair and drummed his fingers on his desk.

Jason gave a nod, "Jax was pretty upset, but he seems okay with Carly's wishes. Do you know where she went?"

"I have no freaking idea. The woman has lost it, I swear, running off without telling anyone where she is going, with no protection. I am not happy with this Jason. You need to find her and bring her home."

Jason was more than a little irritated with the order, even if it was similar to his own thoughts… well, everything but the part about Carly losing her mind.

"I am working on it. Did she send you a letter, too?" He asked feeling a little slighted that as far as he knew he hadn't received one yet.

"Yeah, she goes on and on about needing to breath and find her inner strength. Sounds to me like she went off to some hippie compound to sing and hold hands. I don't care what she says, I want her home… she needs to be here in Port Charles where she is safe and protected- especially from herself." Sonny picked up his phone and started to dial- clearly dismissing Jason.

Getting even more irritated with his friend, Jason stood up and left the office without another word. He had no idea why he wanted to shove that phone up Sonny's ass so badly, hell, just the thought of it brought a smile to his face.

Sitting on the airplane Carly glanced out the window at the Atlantic Ocean beneath her. It was a humbling sight to realize just how little she was in the scheme of life compared to its magnificent size. For the hundredth time she fought the urge to pick up the phone and call Jason.

He would know that she was gone by now, and if she knew anything at all it was that he had already started to search for her. She hadn't covered her tracks so she wouldn't be hard to find.

It didn't matter if he found her or not, she had to leave and if he didn't understand it, then he really didn't understand her at all.

She needed to go some place where she could breathe and see that life could still be beautiful. A place where she could find some quiet and come to terms with the person she had become.

Leaving Jason and her kids behind had been the hardest thing she had ever done and it was only going to get harder. She just couldn't sit around and pretend that she wasn't in love with her best friend. She couldn't pretend that she was okay with the way their lives were turning out.

Maybe she was a coward for running away- maybe the whole thing was just purely selfish on her part.

But damn it, Jason got to run away when he needed to breathe so just this once why couldn't he let her do the same?

Sighing she closed her eyes and tried to relax. She could dissect everything she had done in the past twenty-four hours and re-think every choice, but it all led to one thing.

When had it become necessary to leave Jason behind in order to find herself?

A/N: This is a weak chapter- any suggestions?


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Thanks for the great reviews… for my story purposes I have decided that Michael has protection in prison from some loyal Corinthos men… Jason going to prison doesn't work with my story : )

Chapter 5

Four days… that was all it had taken for Jason to find her.

Carly was sitting at street café in Venice when she felt a tingle along the back of her neck. She knew without looking around that someone was watching her. She also knew who it was.

"Hello, Jase." She said without even looking up from the tourism guide she was studying.

Jason pulled out the chair across from her and she could see that he was exhausted. Part of her was sorry for putting him through the hassle of coming after her, but the other part glad. Glad that he appeared to have been losing as much sleep as she had lately.

"Carly, I have come to take you home." He sat back and waited for her to react to his statement.

"Why?" She cocked her head to the side and looked at him expectantly.

Something about her tone bothered him, but he couldn't figure out what it was.

"You can't just take like this. Do you have any idea what this as done to everyone? The worry that you have caused, not to mention the trouble you have put me through to come and get you." Jason pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration.

"I didn't ask for you to come and get me did I? In fact, I thought I was pretty clear about not wanting anyone to come after me." Carly took a sip of her coffee and tried to push back the anger that was beginning to surface.

"It doesn't matter what you want… you can't just run off whenever you feel like it…"

Carly slammed down her cup and cut Jason off, "Stop. Just stop right there. Who are you to tell me that I can't run off? You, the King of Running Away… you don't get to sit here and say a damn thing about it."

Standing up Carly decided to head back to the hotel.

"Carly, what in the hell is the matter with you? First you leave town sending a letter to everyone EXCEPT me, and now you are acting like I am the one who has done something wrong." Jason stood up and started to follow after her.

Angry she spun around and confronted him, "Is that what this is about? I hurt your feelings because I didn't write you a damn letter? The thing is I did. I wrote you a letter and then I threw it away… I seem to recall you leaving once without saying a word… how come you get to do that and I don't?"

"So that is what this is, some childish form of payback for something that happened years ago?" Jason grabbed her arm as she turned to stomp off.

"No Jason, this isn't payback. This is me being honest… Finally after all this time I am going to be honest with you and myself… You say that you love. You show me time and again that you love me… but that isn't enough anymore. I NEED you to FORGIVE me." Carly felt tears sting her eyes and refusing to cry, she pulled her arm away and turned her back towards the man she loved more than she could ever explain.

"Forgive you for what?" Jason felt his heart began to pound. What had she done this time?

Carly laughed sarcastically, "For Sonny. Jase, I need you to forgive me for sleeping with Sonny that night and for hurting you. What else?"

"Damn it Carly, what does that have to do with now? Everything that happened… none of that means anything anymore."

Turning she looked at him sadly, "That is where you are wrong. It means everything. I am tired of pretending that it never happened, that I am ok with how everything has turned out. I mean, I love Morgan and Josselyn, I do, but EVERYTHING comes back to that night."

"What are you trying to say?" Jason never liked to think about that night much less talk about it.

"I am saying that I love you, Jase. I love you and only you. Through Sonny and Jax- it has always been you. I told myself that I could live with just being your friend, but the other night when we slept together I was forced to realize that I have been living a lie. A lie that you have forced me to accept over and over again because you made me believe that I would destroy you, that I would break your heart. But the truth is you have broken mine… over and over again… and I finally realized that living this lie has destroyed ME. You have destroyed me." Carly wiped at the tears streaming down her face.

Jason froze in shock, his mind trying to understand what she was saying. Before he could find the words to say Carly was turning away from him and walking away.

A/N: sorry so short… this conversation will continue.


	6. Chapter 6

** There is a Music Video on YouTube : .com/watch?v=rob9QiGK0h8 made by **BrathanBrucasLover that goes with the song that I am going to use in this part of the Fic. Normally I don't add songs, but this song was PERFECT! The song originally is "You're Not Sorry" By Taylor Swift.**

**Nothing to Forgive**

**Chapter 6**

**Jason didn't know what to say to Carly to make things right between them. The easy thing to do would be to tell her that he forgave her, but the words seem frozen in his chest.**

**"Carly!" He yelled as he jogged after her.**

**"What? What Jase? What do you want from me?" Carly sobbed brokenly as she turned to face him.**

_**All this time I was wasting hoping you would come around.**_

_**I've been giving out chances every time and all you do is let me down.**_

_**And it's taken me this long baby, but I figured you out.**_

_**And you think it will be fine again, but not this time around.**_

**" I want you to stop running away from me. This... this isn't going to fix things, I can't fix this if you keep running away from me." Jason ran a frustrated hand through his hair.**

**"Fix this? You can't fix this because what's between me and you... it's not broken. It's over. Do you get that? We are over. God Jase, there was a time when all I wanted was to let you solve my problems and make everything okay, but this time, you can't solve my problems by throwing me the "I love you, Carly. Trust me, Carly." routine."**

"I do love you. You know that." Jason tried to reach for her hand, but she pulled away, "I love you, Carly, I always have... I am just not in love with you, I am sorry. And you aren't really in love with me if you are honest with yourself."

"Don't you dare try and tell me what I feel. You used to be SO honest, I mean, you would not lie... but somewhere you changed. Sure you may not lie to the people standing around you, but you sure as hell are lying to yourself."

_You don't have to call anymore_

_I won't pick up the phone_

_This is the last straw_

_Don't wanna hurt anymore_

_And you can tell me that you're sorry_

_But I don't believe you baby_

_Like I did before_

_You not sorry, oh no... no_

"Damn it Carly. This is crazy. Why can't you just accept that whatever we had died a long time ago? All that is left is our friendship... we just don't work like that. I know sleeping together the other night was a mistake. I am sorry. We were both hurting and it happened. I can't take it back... I wish I could... I never wanted to hurt you."

Carly laughed hysterically, "Hurt me. Jason, I am tired of fighting. I have fought for you, with you, and beside you... but I can't fight against you. Go home. Tell yourself whatever you need to go on with your life. But, get one thing straight the other night was NOT a mistake. It was the first right thing we have done since you convinced me to marry Sonny."

"You loved Sonny. You know that. Marrying him was right, I am sorry, so sorry that it didn't work out, but we both know that you don't regret it..."

"SHUT UP! Just shut up... what do you want me to say? Yes, I loved Sonny and a tiny part of me always will, but what choice did I have when you took everything I tried to give you and threw it back at me... like it wasn't good enough... All I ever wanted was a life with you. Do you remember when I asked you if I could come home? Well, Jase, my home is gone... if it was ever there to begin with."Carly started to turn wiping the tears from her face. "Everything that I believed in was centered around you. I forgave you everything... leaving, lying... everything. I have nothing left."

"What about Michael, Morgan and Josselyn? Don't they count?" Jason was losing ground and he could feel it. It was as if something precious and sacred was slipping away.

_Looking so innocent, I might believe you if I didn't know._

_Could've loved you all my life if you hadn't left me waiting in the cold._

_And you've got your share of secrets and I'm tired of being the last to know._

_And now you're asking me to listen cause it's worked each time before._

Carly took a deep breath and faced Jason again, "Of course, they count. How can you ask me that? Don't you know me at all? Because I swear sometimes I feel like you never really knew me to begin with. I love my kids, I do. I left because I can't find peace until I can get you out of my heart, and to do that I had to leave. My kids deserve a mother that can teach them how to be happy- a mother that is whole... and right now Jason, I am broken in a million pieces. I'll come home, but it will be on my terms and on my own time, not yours, not Sonny's... mine. I don't need you to save me this time, I am saving myself... from you. Go home, turn around, walk away and go home."

"I can't lose you Carly. Don't ask me to walk away. I can't... please, just..." Jason felt his chest tighten and knew he had lost.

"I am not asking..." With a sad smile Carly placed a kiss on his lips and walking away she never stopped to look back.

Jason tried to get his feet to move, he tried to make himself chase after her, but his body just wouldn't cooperated. He would give her time to heal, time to come to her senses and then if she didn't come home, he would come for her and take her back by force if necessary.

Jason felt something wet his neck and glancing up at the sky, he wondered when it had started to rain. Then it hit him... it wasn't rain he was feeling, but tears streaming down his face.

_You don't have to call anymore_

_I won't pick up the phone_

_This is the last straw_

_Don't wanna hurt anymore_

_And you can tell me that you're sorry_

_But I don't believe you baby_

_Like I did before_

_You not sorry, oh no... no_

_You not sorry, oh no... no_

_You had me calling for you honey and it never would have gone away, no._

_You used to shine so bright but I watch all of it fade._

_You don't have to call anymore_

_I won't pick up the phone_

_This is the last straw_

_There's nothing left to beg for_

_And you can tell me that you're sorry_

_But I don't believe you baby_

_Like I did before_

_You not sorry, oh no... no_

_You not sorry, oh no... no_

** A/N: I have been watching a lot of vintage Jarly clips lately and I think Jason needs a good wake-up call, don't you?


	7. Chapter 7

Nothing to Forgive

Chapter 7

Two months...

Carly had been gone for two whole months without even calling him. After returning from Venice he had been able to hold off for two weeks before trying to call her. She had somehow vanished into thin air and even Spinelli was getting frustrated on his inability to locate her.

Jason glowered at his cell phone as he leaned against the pool table. He had become very familiar with her voice mail and would rather die than admit that sometimes he just called her phone to hear her voice.

He had found out through Michael and Morgan that she had been sending them postcards from time to time and it hurt that she wouldn't even so much as return one of his calls.

At least he knew that she would be home by Friday. Michael's sentence had been appealed and he was going to be released and placed on community service at GH and have to go to a lot of counseling. Jason knew that Carly wouldn't miss his homecoming. He didn't care why she was coming home- just that she was.

Their last conversation played over and over in his head and sometimes he even would go back to that day in his sleep. It was haunting him.

"Jase? Jason- hello, earth to Jason?"

Glancing up at Sam he tried to focus on what she was saying.

"Are you just going to stand there and glare at your phone all night? Staring at it is not going to make it ring." With a sigh she pressed up against him and wrapped her arms around him.

He wanted to be able to return her affection, but something just didn't seem right about it. Ever since the night he had slept with his best friend he knew that had pulled away from Sam and he really felt bad about it. But, the more he tried to let go and just allow himself to be happy with Sam, the thought of Carly and the words she had said would stop him.

What was worse is that Sam knew about his infidelity with Carly. He had told her about it when she had confronted him a month ago about not wanting to sleep with her anymore.

~ Sam and Jason Conversation~

Wanting to make love to Jason Sam pressed up against him and raised her lips to his for a kiss.

Jason tried to put the thought of Carly he out of his mind, but he couldn't do it... he couldn't do this.

"Sam, I can't do this right now. I am sorry." Pulling away from her embrace he walked into the kitchen to grab a beer.

"Can't do what? Kiss me? Make love to me? Talk to me?" Sam ran a hand abruptly through her hair, "What is going on with you? I mean, ever since Michael got sent to prison you have been so distant. The only things you focus on are Michael and Carly. You don't even talk to me anymore."

"I... I slept with Carly." He said without turning to look at the hurt and anger that would be on her face.

"You what? You- you slept with Carly... when? When you went to Venice?" She whispered wiping a stray tear away. Trying to a grip on what she was hearing.

"No, not in Venice. Before then. It was the night Michael got sentenced. I am sorry. I just couldn't go on pretending that it didn't happen." Slowly he turned to look at her.

"I don't understand, Jase, I thought you loved me."

Jason groaned in frustration, "I did. I do... but, it just- it just happened and I would be lying to say that it was a mistake... I never meant to hurt you."

"Then don't. Don't hurt me Jason." Sam said bitterly, "Tell me that it didn't mean anything. That it won't happen again. Can you at least tell me that?"

"I don't know why it happened. We were just hurting- hurting in a way, I can't even explain to you." Jason reached for her hand, "I do love you. I can't explain it. It was one night. One crazy night."

Sam reluctantly took his hand, "I love you, too. I just- I gotta go clear my head. I'll be back later."

~ End conversation~

After watching as Sam walked away he felt bad for hurting her, but the truth was- he loved Carly too and if given the chance to make love to her again- well, he didn't know if he would be strong enough to walk away.

"I'm sorry. I just keep thinking that Carly's going to call. Michael's getting out in three days and I know she'll be home for it."

"Jason- this thing with Carly. This obsession. It has got to stop. I can't keep being second choice here. Either you are with me or you're not... I can't do this anymore." Sam started to cry as she walked back up the stairs to their bedroom.

Jason knew that their relationship was falling apart and for the first time he acknowledged that maybe ending things with Sam wouldn't be a bad thing.

Glancing at his phone one more time, Jason picked it up a slid it into his pocket. He needed to get out of here for awhile to think about things.

A/N: I know you are going to know what Carly has been doing and her side is coming in the next chapter! Thanks


	8. Chapter 8

Nothing to Forgive

Chapter 8

Staring down at her sleeping daughter Carly was amazed at how big she had gotten in the time they had been apart. She had been home for a week and she still couldn't believe the changes that the last two months had made.

After moving around from place to place it was good to be home- good to be with her babies again. Michael was getting released tomorrow- Morgan and Josselyn were back under the same roof with her. You would think that her life would be just about perfect.

Sitting down in the rocking chair by the crib, Carly tried to hold on to the peace that being near her kids usually gave her. Up until a month ago she could swear her life was finally going to fall into place. She had finally managed to find strength within herself- not calling Jason or anyone else to make herself feel better or secure. And then once again the bottom fell out. After leaving him in Venice she had sworn that she wouldn't cry anymore tears for him. She would let him have his own life and she would move on the best she could without him. What she couldn't explain was why at the very moment she had decided to let him, he started to call 4 or 5 times a day. Sometimes he would leave a message and sometimes he wouldn't- sometimes she would listen to his messages over and over again just to hear his voice. Learning to live without him was hard, but trying to stop loving him was killing her.

A month ago in Greece...

Looking down at her phone, Carly had been able to fight the urge to pick it up. She knew it was Jason- and she knew just how easy it would be to pick it up and fall back into her same old patterns. Watching the sunset she tried to enjoy the scenery around her. The view from her hotel room was amazing, but she couldn't find any joy in it tonight.

Ironic that he would choose to call her at that particular moment. It was as if their connection could carry over the distance despite the obstacles that she had thrown between them. She knew that she was going to have to face him when she got home. But, somehow she managed to convince herself that she had time to prepare herself for their conversation... to mentally and emotionally make herself strong enough to live with whatever the outcome would be.

Walking back to her bed she threw her phone on the nightstand and crawled beneath the covers. She would give herself this night to cry for herself and the drama she was facing and tomorrow she would pick herself back up and carry on.

Closing her eyes she tried to forget that lying on the nightstand was the one thing that could blow everything a part again.

Looking back she realized that night for the turning point in her life that it was... Everything was about to change again.

Not just her having to help Michael adjust to being home again, but the changes she was facing in a lot of the relationships in her life.

Coming home to find out that Jax had left on several business trips leaving Josselyn in Mercedes' and Bobbie's care for most of the time she was gone had really pissed her off. She understood that his life wasn't going to stop just because she had gone off to figure things out, but his neglect toward his daughter really just killed any remaining love she might have felt for him.

A pleasant surprise was the changes in the dynamics of her relationship with Alexis. It boggled the mind that the women had actually become sort-of-friends. It started off with Carly checking in on Morgan and sending Alexis and the girls little gifts along with Morgan's from the various places she visited. Then the women began discussing places that she had been and places she should go. Since she had been home, her and Morgan had dinner with the Davis' family twice and not one argument occurred.

The only person she had not had contact with was Jason and that in itself was where she was having the problems. Despite having seen Sam at Alexis' house she had originally thought that she would tell him, but after a day of him not showing up she concluded that he must not know she was home.

Or, maybe he had just finally given up on her... and was accepting that she couldn't carry on the way that they had been for so long.

Jason didn't know how long he sat outside her house debating on whether or not he should try and talk to her. After his conversation with Spinelli earlier that night and his last conversation with Sam there were so many different feelings he was experiencing that he wasn't sure where to start.

Whether he should give Carly time to adjust to being home or to make her let him back into her life. This was the problem he faced- because if there was one thing he had learned while she was gone, it was that he hated not being part of her world.

**A/N- Don't really like Sam... sorry... conversation with Spinelli will addressed... I debated writing in the Jackal because his "Jackal Speak" is hard to master!


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Sorry it took so long to update this but I have been trying to figure out how to include the Spinelli lingo- I feel like Spin is an important person and would play a key role in getting Jason to see what is in front of him. He is hard to write- seriously. Please let me know if I was totally off here : )

Nothing to Forgive

Chapter 9

Sitting on this bike and watching Carly's house, Jason's mind played back the conversation he had just had with Spinelli.

_Spinelli walked through the door to see his mentor and friend staring out the window. It was a position he had found him in a lot lately._

_Setting his backpack and laptop on the table the moved forward hesitantly, "You must be greatly relieved that the wanderlust that had taken over the Valkeryie has worn off and she has returned just in time for the liberation of the young Mister Sir."_

_Jason turned toward the younger man, "What are you talking about? Carly's home?"_

_Spinelli knew that Jason had not spoken to his loyal friend in a long time and her continued silence did not bode well for their relationship. "My Maximista spoke with the Blonde One earlier and confirmed the return of the brave and loyal Valkeryie. I take it she has not contacted you as of yet?"_

_Jason shook his head in the negative and turned to look back out the window._

_"If I may be so bold as to offer the normally very wise and astute Stone Cold my humble opinion-"_

_Jason waved for Spinelli to continue._

_Taking a deep breath Spinelli began, "It has not escaped my notice that since your return from the failed attempt to bring the troubled Valkeryie back into the bosom of her family that your normally stoic demeanor has changed and you have become rather despondent and well- more stoic."_

_Jason shook his head in exasperation, "If you are trying to say that I was worried about Carly, then you are right. I have been worried."_

_Getting braver Spinelli stepped forward, "Ah, but it is not just worry that has been consuming you, my noble leader. Lately it as if the life has been sucked out of you and all that remains is an empty shell that not even the prescience of the Fair Samantha can fill."_

_Pinching the bridge of his nose for patience Jason turned toward Spinelli, "An empty shell, huh? That is not very, uh, flattering. I'll admit not having Carly around has made me a little uneasy and kept me preoccupied."_

_Spinelli couldn't help but blurt out, "Uneasy! Such a mild phrase- you have not slept nor taken in any meaningful sustenance - nor given yourself any respite from the brooding and melancholia you are currently suffering from."_

_Throwing his hands up in defeat Jason decided to explain the situation, "Look, the thing is- Carly wants me to love her, really love her and I- well, I just can't love her the way she wants me to."_

_"Are you saying that the Valkeryie, er, desires more than the long established and unquestionable friendship that the two of you share?"_

_Jason scratched his cheek and thought about it, "That's what I said, didn't I?"_

_Spinelli sat down on the couch and looked thoughtful, "I can see where that might be awkward and result in your inner turmoil. Definitely not a small problem."_

_Sitting beside his friend, Jason continued, "The thing is- well, the thing is that I love Carly. I always have and most likely always will. But, if I give her the relationship she wants then I won't be able to be the person she needs when things go wrong. It's inevitable- she drives me crazy, she does crazy things- and she won't mean to, but she has the power to destroy me."_

_Spinelli was amazed at the verbosity of his companion. He can't believe that the usually silent man has said so much. Finally something became very clear to him._

_"Oh- Oh my gosh, I have just realized that the normally Fearless Stone Cold is suffering from a dilemma that plagues many for centuries. You, my wise and noble warrior, are afraid."_

_Jason laughed, "What? I am NOT afraid. I just know that it's about bad idea. Plus, I love Sam."_

_Spinelli shook his head, "It's ok, you don't have to admit it. I understand, I too am often afraid to believe in the passionate and unbelievable love and bond that I share with my non-wife. But, the truth is- I would rather risk my heart, my very BEING, on that love then to never experience it at all."_

_Jason tried to process what Spinelli had just said, "So you are saying that I should take a chance on Carly? What about Sam? What if..."_

_Spinelli interrupted impatiently, "It amazes me how many excuses we make to get in the way of our own happiness. Stone Cold, listen to me, if the Goddess does not steal your breath away, make your heart pound uncontrollably, and give your very soul wings to fly then maybe she is the safer choice, but not the best choice for you. Love should not be easy- it should be a roller coaster of emotions that turn your life upside down and inside out. It is one of the best forms of chaos in our world- no limits, no boundaries..."_

_Jason stopped the man before he got on a tangent, "I got it. You've given me a lot to think about. Thanks." Jason got up and headed for the door._

_Spinelli was happy to help, but he couldn't help but feel a little guilty at the part he played in the demise of the relationship between the Goddess and Stone Cold. "Uh, just a small suggestion. I know that you care for the Goddess deeply and would not intentionally bring any heartache to her, but- well, you might consider setting her free to find the love that she deserves."_

Sitting there suddenly everything became clear. If he didn't take his chance now, he was going to regret it for the rest of his life. No one made him crazier then Carly- no made him FEEL more than Carly and for once he was going to let himself be the man he should have been instead of the man he had become.

But first he had to go and put his house in order. Making a silent promise to the woman in the house in front of him, Jason started up his bike and headed back to put his life in motion.

Stepping into the penthouse Jason saw Sam sitting on the couch. He also noticed some suitcases sitting off to the side of the door.

Sam stood up and looked closely at Jason, "I have been doing some thinking and I think it's best if I moved out."

Jason gave her a look and then cleared his throat, "Sam, I love you. I do, but..."

Sam smiled sadly, "But you are in love with her... I think I have always known it.. But, I just thought that maybe- maybe we could still make it work."

Jason stepped closer and put his arms around the smaller woman, "You are an amazing woman and I don't regret sharing my life with you. I just- I can't be what you deserve. She's everything to me... always has been. I just was too stubborn to see it."

Sam pulled away and wiped a tear from her cheek, "I wish that I could make you look at me the way that you do when you look at her sometimes... I love you. Just- Just don't give up this time... Don't let her go."

Giving Jason one last hug, Sam turned and picked up her bags, "I am going to work on a case in Arizona for a few weeks. So... I'll see you when I get back."

Jason pinched the bridge of his nose to fight off the stinging in his eyes, "I- I never meant to hurt you like this. I'm sorry."

Looking back Sam smiled a tiny smile, "Me too. Be happy."

Watching Sam walk out of his life, Jason knew that he had made the right decision. He knew because if it had been Carly doing the leaving she wouldn't have made it to the door. He knew without a doubt that if he could make things right between them, then he was never going to let her go again.

A/N: Spinelli Speak is hard. How did I do?


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: Thanks for sticking with me- you guys are ROCKSTARS! Keep on sharin' the JARLY love!

Nothing to Forgive

Chapter 10

Milo watched curiously as Carly paced back and forth in the hallway. He couldn't make out what she was mumbling, but whatever it was he could tell it was something pretty serious. She seemed to be arguing with herself about something and every once in awhile she seemed to cave-in on herself and a look of total sadness would show on her face. He really liked Carly and he hated seeing her like this.

Carly groaned in frustration. She had spent the last fifteen minutes debating whether or not she should knock on Jason's door. All her impulses told her to turn around and flee the building as fast as she could. She could put this off just a little longer... really. Sighing she shook her head, straightened her shoulders and prepared herself for the confrontation about to occur.

Just as she was about to knock, the door opened on its own to reveal Jason standing on the other side. They stood staring at each other for a moment, allowing their eyes to soak in every detail, to absorb every sense of relief that they only could get from being in each other's presense.

To Jason, Carly looked beautiful... tired, but beautiful. He allowed his eyes to roam over her greedily. It had been too long since he has last seen her. His heart thumped loudly in his chest, he was surprised that she couldn't hear it.

Carly stood staring at Jason, letting herself take some strength from just being near him. Her eyes looked over him carefully, looking for any sign of displeasure. Then something caught her attention and she felt her heart drop. He had opened the door caring a duffle bag, which could only mean that he was going somewhere.

After standing there for several minutes, Jason stepped aside and ushered Carly into the Penthouse.

Looking everywhere but his eyes, Carly cleared her throat and managed to find her voice, "You going somewhere?"

It took a moment for her question to penetrate, he had been so intent in studying her features for signs of anger that he failed to actually hear the question.

"Yeah- " He started to say and then shook his head preparing to correct himself only to be cut off by Carly.

"Oh, well- I won't keep you, we can talk later. Or you can call-."

Jason shook his head, "No-"

Carly caught her breath and tried to hide the hurt in her eyes, "You don't want to call me or you don't want to talk? Because I have been thinking and -"

"Carly!" Jason bit out in frustration, pinching the bridge of his nose to fight off the headache that was building. "Let me finish a sentence, would you? Yes, I was leaving. Yes, I want to talk. No, You aren't keeping me from anything."

"Oh. Ok- so, where are you going? Can you tell me or is it business?" Carly asked carefully.

"No, it's not business. I'm going home."Jason smiled hesitantly at her, but she still wouldn't look at him.

"Oh. Wait- what do you mean you're going home? Did I miss something?" She asked with a confused frown.

Jason dropped the bag he had been holding and took both of her hands, "Carly, look at me."

Sighing she looked up into his eyes and knew that it would kill her to look away again.

"You didn't miss anything, I did." He said, tucking a stray curl behind her ear, "I missed you. I missed the opportunity to make things right between us. I didn't understand what you were trying to tell me- maybe I just didn't want to... But, I get it now. All I could think about while you were gone was that I wanted you home, not just back in Port Charles, but back with me."

Carly took a deep breath and struggled with the tears that were threatening to spill, "Well, I'm back. You don't have to worry anymore. I home."

Jason leaned in and put his forehead against hers, "You maybe home, but I'm not. I want to come home, Carly. Is it too late? Did I screw us up too badly?"

Carly lost the fight as tears started streaming down her face, "Yes- I mean, No- wait, yes. What are you asking me again?"

Jason could see the confusion mixed with fear and hope in her eyes and smiled, "Can I come home?"

Carly closed her eyes and swallowed back a sob, "You don't know how much I want to say yes. I just don't think-. I'm not sure-. Oh to hell with it! Yes. You can come home, you always could."

Jason placed a soft kiss against her lips, "I am sorry it took me so long to figure out that you and the boys, Josselyn and Spinelli- you guys ARE my home. My family."

Carly smiled, "We have always been YOUR family, Jase. Always will be."

Wrapping his arms around her he pulled her tightly against him, "I love you, Carly. Nothing will ever change that."

Remembering why she had come over in the first place, Carly pushed away, "I love you too and I am SO glad that you feel this way... 'cause there's something I need to tell you..."

Jason chuckled at her nervousness and decided they had plenty of time to talk- for now he just wanted to show her how much he loved her and how much he had missed her.

Seeing the lust and desire in his eyes Carly gulped, she had to get this out or she would chicken out- she could not let him distract her, but lord, was he ever sexy with that look in his eyes.

"Jase-" Carly looked down again, "About our family... what if it included more than just me, you , the boys, Josselyn and Spinelli?"

"What are you-" Jason looked down at her in confusion.

"Jason, I'm..." Carly's voice dropped so low that he had to lean in to catch what she was saying.

"WHAT!" His voice squeaked as he stood back in shock, "You- You- We-?"

"Yep. We are having a baby." Carly looked up shyly and noticed the stunned look on Jason's face.

Jason could have kicked himself when he saw the hurt and doubt flash in her eyes, but he was honestly shocked speechless. Carly was pregnant with his child... they were going to have a baby!

"Are you ok? Say something, Jason, you're scaring me..." Carly bit her lip nervously.

Wanting to show her just how "ok" he was with her being pregnant he quickly walked past her and opened the door, "Hey Milo, We're having a baby!"

Carly's mouth dropped, well that was unexpected.

Milo flushed red and stammered, "Uh... congratulations?"

Jason laughed, turning he picked Carly up and swung her around, "God, I love you."


End file.
